Words: Poppy Lepora
How do you feel about using vibrators with a partner?
If you have ever felt any any guilt or shame for wanting to use a vibe during partnered or group sex or if you're curious about why your partner might want to use a vibe during sex with you then read on, friend.
I'm a huge advocate for vibrators being a staple of both solo and partnered sex for many reasons. Here are six of them.
Equality during a quickie
Yes, it’s brilliant to spend a long time focussing on oral and hand exploration, but sometimes you both want a rough and ready quickie. If it takes you a while to get off with manual stimulation then introducing a lil vibrating extra into the mix can be a sure fire way to get off together, quickly.
Because it's f*cking hot
Uninhibited pleasure? Yes please.
During PIV (penis in vagina) sex
The clitoris and the penis are analogous parts, meaning that they perform the same function (in this case, we're referring to pleasure) but they differ in structure (shape and size). During penetration the penis is being continuously stimulated, whereas depending on the set up of your vulva, your clitoris may not be getting a piece of the action.This can mean that during PIV sex one partner gets to the finish line while the other is just warming up. Sometimes it can be difficult to coordinate equal pleasure for both partners and vibrators allow the person being penetrated to take ownership of their pleasure.
To climax quicker
Sometimes it can be tricky to fully relax into your body during sex, particularly with a new person. Introducing a sex toy that you know can bring you pleasure (or to climax) is a simple way to close the orgasm gap and guarantee yourself some pleasure on the ride.
If you are a person with a vulva and find it difficult to orgasm in general
From both anecdotal evidence through chatting to friends about sex and from listening to sex-positive podcasts like f**cks given hosted by the Come Curious girls, we know that there are plenty of women and people with vulvas who find it near-impossible to reach climax from manual stimulation or penetration. There are plenty of reasons ranging from a lack of confidence to not knowing exactly how to communicate what you need, to just needing to be stimulated much harder or for significantly longer than another human can manage.
This can be a frustrating place to be in, but vibrators allow people this situation the simple pleasure of orgasming in their partner’s presence.
During casual encounters
Maybe you don’t plan on sleeping with someone enough times for them to properly get to know your body and make you cum. A vibrator empowers you to orgasm during a casual fling. Jobs a good’en.
Of course, we shouldn’t put all of our focus on achieving orgasm (regardless of your gender or your genitals), but we should strive for equal pleasure in any encounter. It's hugely important to vocalise your desires, explore different stimulation with your partners and to communicate what kind of touch you enjoy. And of course it’s important (and fun) to get to know each other’s bodies well enough to make each other cum if you can.
But if you find that that isn’t working or if you simply want some easy pleasure, then there is absolutely no shame in using a vibrator to get the job done.
There is no shame in your partner wanting to use a toy to reach climax.
There is no shame in wanting to see your partner use a vibrator.
These toys were literally built to provide pleasure. And they're just that - toys. So don't forget to have fun with them.
Shop some of my fave toys for partnered sex below.
Poppy Scarlett Lepora is the owner of Self & More, a sex writer and a proud wanker. Follow her on Instagram.