Words: Lola Jean
Squirting! What is it? Is it real? How do I do it?
Whatever side of the fence you stand on, chances are you’re pretty adamant about it. I’m not here to change anyone's mind, prove anyone wrong or right…. I already did that by setting the world record in volume squirting (solo) without penetrating myself or orgasming…breaking science in the process.
Like many folx, discovering my squirty superpowers was fun…..at first. Once the novelty wore off is when I discovered my true relationship with squirting. Similar to BDSM, group sex etc…. novelty can have an impact on our desires initially. But that’s the thing about novelty, once it washes away we have the ability to learn more about ourselves and what makes our genitals tick.
Some folx want to believe squirting is pee, that it’s about the prowess of their lover or that it is the most superior sexual act. Inexplicably squirting tends to be incredibly tied to ego. That’s right…. not pleasure, vulnerability, exploration….. EGO. Ego of the person doing the squirting, the person pleasing the one doing the squirting, or simply the ego involved in lecturing strangers online why squirt is pee.
Before we can understand squirting, how to do it and if it is pee, we need to understand why we all care so damn much about it. Wether you’re hell bent on having your partner squirt or you want to be the fountain stream yourself, the most important question is why?
Common answers include, but are not limited to
- It’s sexy
- I heard it feels better
- They do it in porn
- My body is capable of doing this thing, so I’d like to try it
No particular answer is “right,” but communicating your "why" both to your person and/or to yourself will help you seek the answers or experience you’re looking for. Before you plunge into that tunnel of wet, here are a few things you should know before you start destroying sheets.
Myth #1: If you just “relax” you’ll squirt.
Wouldn’t it be great if everything were this easy? No, contrary to popular belief there is more involved in squirting than simply relaxing. While this simple instruction may work for some people, it belittles the experience of so many to assume squirting is a one-size-fits-all activity, as so few sexual experiences are. While relaxing the body and mind are wonderful practices, what this phrase is trying to say is that you can hold yourself back from squirting—just like you can hold yourself back from orgasming. This can be—but not limited to—not trusting your body in a new experience, body shame or genital embarrassment, discomfort with a partner, place, or experience. You know the best place to free yourself from these mental barriers? At home, using your solo time to get down with your hand or a new toy.
Squirting can be a truly wonderful thing. Especially for those who associate pleasure with control, or lack there of, squirting can feel like your body giving into itself. When we let our bodies go to auto pilot, magical things can happen. The better we know our bodies from spending time with them (I’m talking about masturbating) the more we will trust them.
Myth #2: It’s not squirt unless it ejects from the body
I’m not sure who comprises the board of squirting for making these silly “rules” but this may be an unfortunate byproduct of using porn as our measuring stick. Porn is wonderful and can expose us to new things, but this does not mean it is representative of all experiences or even the most common representation. Squirt can eject, it can fall, it can trickle, it can gush. It all counts as squirt. One type does not mean it felt better than other, the best way to gauge this is by *gasp* talking to your partner or yourself.
Myth #3: If my partner squirts, it means I did an amazing job.
Not to take away from any pleasure given, but unlike ejaculate from a penis, squirting is not the sign of a culmination. Because squirting happens independent of an orgasm it can happen at the beginning, middle, or ending of an experience. Squirting has everything to do with the person doing the squirting and nothing to do with the person whose mouth, hands, dick or dildo are inside or outside of that person. The presence of squirt does not mean this particular sexual act was more pleasurable than another. The squirting could be in direct relation to a super fun thing you did with your tongue or a toy or it could be how your partner experiences their pleasure. If you declare yourself a squirt lover understand there is a difference between fetishization and appreciation.
Myth #4: Something needs to be inserted inside of you in order to squirt.
Just because it’s one way doesn’t mean it works for everyone or is even enjoyable for that matter! Just as some folx enjoy vibration and others prefer….well, not vibration. There are plenty of methods to stimulate your G-spot and only some of those include penetration. If you happen to have a more sensitive G-spot area you can get creative in ways to stimulate this anally or by engaging and lengthening your pelvic floor muscles.
Most importantly the reaction we are met with can influence our relationship with squirting moving forward. Ask your person about their relationship with their squirting and let that gauge how you approach it. Are they super excited about it? Awesome, break out the confetti! Are they bothered by it and feel it’s a nuisance? See how you can help them feel like less of a burden, make setting out that squirter blanket a fucking romantic experience. Are they ashamed? Let them know that you like their body, whatever it does but they don’t need to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. Most importantly, give them space to assume their own relationship with squirt — or allow yourself that space if you’re the one dong the squirting. All of our bodies operate differently. You were only given the one, so might as well explore it and see what it is capable of.
Lola Jean is a Sex Educator, Mental Health Professional, Wrestler, Domme and World Record Holder for Volume Squirting (solo.) providing the No Frills Sex Education we both need and deserve. Lola brings a refreshing understanding to sex, sexuality and kink to push individuals past what they think they are capable of. Lola offers a variety of classes and talks to help people have better sex with themselves and each other like Pegging, Squirting, and Libido Awakening. A variety of paid and free options of classes and talks, plus a podcast with The Reluctant Sexpert: ‘Is Our Love ___?’, there are a variety of options to indulge.