Free + discreet UK shipping over £30

A beginner’s guide to choosing your first sex toy

Words: Char, Founder of Don't Say Sex

So, you want to enter the technologically advancing, vibrational sensational, dildo-wielding world of sex toys? Well this post might just help you with that! Whether you own a vulva or a penis, g-spot or a p-spot, I have highlighted some beginner toys that could be tailored perfectly for what you’re looking to explore. 

For trying penetrative sex (those with vulvas)

Silicone dildos are a great place to start if you would like to explore penetrative sex. If this is your first time trying penetrative masturbation, it might be a good idea to start with something that isn’t too long and or too wide. Start off simple and if you like it, gradually build up.

Another pointer you could consider is that dildos with suction cups are really excellent for trying penetrative sex in different positions. You can stick them to the floor, wall, or other hard, flat surfaces and see how the different positions make you feel. This can be great for enjoying g-spot stimulation.

Self & More have a perfect contender on their site. The 5 Inch Curved Suction Cup Silicone Dildo is 5 inches long and has a width of 1.25 inches.


Masturbation Sleeves (for those with penises)

Feel like masturbation is getting a little bit samey? You might be interested to know that masturbation sleeves exist! These sleeves are made from silicone and have all sorts of lumps, bumps and textures inside to help you boost your masturbation experience to the next level.

It is important to use lots of lube with these toys. Firstly, it could add to your personal pleasure and secondly, it will reduce chances of friction burn or sores.

The Quickshot Vantage by Fleshlight is simple, yet effective. It is open at both ends, which could mimic the usual feel and momentum of using your own hand, but it is wonderfully textured inside to enjoy a different type of sensation.


For G-Spot Stimulation

The G-spot is located on the front wall of the vagina, about 2 or 3 inches deep. It’s an area of tissue which is connected to the internal portion of the clitoris. Some people with vulvas have a lot of sensitivity in this area and some have less – both are totally normal! If you want to try to stimulate it with a toy, you will need something fairly long so you can keep a good grip on it, but also fairly curvy to get those angles just right.

To the toy-beginner, g-spot toys can look quite daunting. G-spot toys tend to come in dramatic shapes and hard materials which can look quite extreme at first glance (metal, we’re looking at you). But, to stimulate the g-spot, some enjoy quite a lot of pressure applied to the area, therefore some metal or glass toys help to do just that due to their weight.

You can still find g-spot pleasure toys that are made from silicone, if metal/glass toys are a little bit unnerving. How about the Pillow Talk Sassy G-Spot Vibrator? This is made out of silicone and has a great curve, so that you can wow your g-spot. It vibrates too! It has a strong motor that can please power-seekers.


For Clitoral Pleasure Sensations

If you are looking to stimulate your clitoris with the wonders of sex toy technology, there are a number of options to choose from. If you’re just starting out and don’t want anything that seems too daunting, a bullet vibrator could be an awesome choice! A regular annoyance of bullet vibes is having to replace batteries… ALL THE TIME. So, get yourself one that is rechargeable.

How about the Gaia Biodegradable Rechargeable Eco Bullet? It has options to try light or strong vibrations and you can recharge it for hours of pleasure. This one is only splash-proof, so make sure to play above water!


But What About Anal Play?

Well, the first thing to keep in mind is always safety. When first trying anal play there are a few important factors that you need to know. Self & More have a detailed post about this here, but the key take-aways are highlighted below.

Number 1: Lube

Before choosing any anal toys to experiment with, make sure you get yourself some anal lube. It isn’t like normal lube – it is much thicker and more jelly-like to make anal play a whole lot smoother. The more lube the better in this situation. First time anal play might be uncomfortable and this will help. Reminder: if anal play is causing you pain, stop. Don’t force yourself. Try again another time, when you feel ready.

Number 2: Flared based toys!

If you’re looking for some anal toys, flared bases are a must! They stop any fears of toys ‘getting lost’ and ensure that the toy can be pulled out easily.

When you’re beginning to explore anal play, try to find something that isn’t too wide. You can increase your girth once you’re more experienced. How about the Firefly Prince Butt Plug? This fancy little plug comes in two sizes and the small size is great for experimenting with butt stuff. It also has a surprising bonus… it glows in the dark!


Prostate Play (or, P-Spot Play)

If you own a prostate, you can experience some super sensations through stimulating it from within the rectal passage. This will require being really patient and using lots of lube. Especially if this is the first time you are exploring prostate play - check out this guide for some more tips.

Prostate toys are similar to anal toys, due to them having to be inserted in the same way. However, prostate toys usually have a curvy, angled tip to make stimulation of the prostate much easier, due to its position in the body.

A nice beginner prostate toy could be the Bootie Prostate Plug by Fun Factory. It has a wide base so that you don’t have to worry about it going too far inside the rectum, meaning you can easily pull it out. It also has the tell-tale curve of a prostate toy, meaning you can reach your p-spot to experience some awesome sensations! Check it out on the Self & More website:


REMEMBER! If you are ever sharing sex toys with someone else, make sure to use a condom or dam, depending on the style of toy, per new use. This is the best way to avoid transmitting STIs, both for you and the person you are sharing with! 

I hope this post was useful! If you have any other questions about sex toys or how to use them, get in contact with me through Don’t Say Sex.

This article was written for the Self & More Pleasur_Ed blog by Char from the sex education platform Don't Say Sex. You can check out more of Char's work on Instagram, the Don't Say Sex website, or get in contact with Char via email.